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12.05.2012

surrender.

can i tell you something?
the past two days have been rough.
like [there's no chocolate in your house when you want it] kind of rough.
devastating.
i spent a day being frustrated with jesus because things weren't going my way.
things i thought he had set in motion.
i wasn't getting what i wanted.
and i was mad.
and i didn't understand.
and i made sure he knew it.

then today, in the car by myself, this song came on.
and it broke me. 
jesus reminded me in the gentlest way possible that he is in control.
that nothing matters except for him.
i am not in control. he is. and sometimes i forget that.
i tend to hand everything over to him except for one thing.
one corner of my heart that i want to hold on to.
today he told me to surrender. everything.
and that's scary.
it's scary to hand my dreams over to him.
but you know what?
that's where they are safest.
in the hands of my all-knowing and loving savior is where i want my life to be.
nothing else matters.
i want for it to be a joy to say [your will, your way. always.]