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6.04.2015

A COFFEE DATE | VOL. 4


I'll pick you up this afternoon and we'll head to a cute and new-to-me coffee shop downtown. I smile to myself the whole way there knowing that we get to do this anytime we want now that we finally live in the same city. After ordering our drinks, plain latte for you, caramel latte for me, we find a table outside. The weather feels delicious today. It's a perfect Colorado summer day, the southern humidity I'm used to is nowhere to be found, and my prone-to-friziness hair is relieved.

You ask how I'm doing with this big move and transition to a new state and a new job. You already know how this past month has gone, but being the friend you are, you know I need to verbally process it. I'll tell you about work; how I'm slowly learning what my job looks like and figuring out the different personalities of my new coworkers. It's been so fun getting to work around some of my old camp friends, and it brings back all kinds of memories from my days at Eagle Lake.

This move was much harder for me than I expected. From the crazy weather we experienced during the first days here, to telling my mom goodbye at the airport, to starting a new job, to living with a new family...it was all a bit more overwhelming that I had anticipated. I planned on being here for a few weeks before any homesickness appeared. I thought I'd feel like I was on vacation for a while before the homesickness snuck in, but no, I was immediately homesick for my home, my family, and my friends.



I'll tell you how often I cry openly in public these days. Out of no where a deep sadness or heartache will hit me and tears will uncontrollably stream down my face. I'll tell you that for the first couple of weeks, I cried every time I hung up the phone with my family. You'll smile that gentle smile of yours because you remember when I pulled up to your house with waterfalls cascading down my face after a simple phone call with my dad. You just hugged me there on the sidewalk and told me it was okay. Those tears are the result of grief over leaving the place I call home, and the transition is named that for a reason. It is a process.

I'll tell you that I had to fight back tears in church on Sunday when they announced their youth group was heading to Chattanooga for a summer missions trip. Any mention of the south or my home makes my heart ache and chokes me up a bit. I think it may always be that way.




You tell me that I'm not crazy for crying all the time, for not always feeling happy, for being confused, overwhelmed, or even frustrated. You say it's all a part of this transition and it is normal to feel all the things I'm feeling. You remind me of the process and the prayer it took for me to move here, and you'll tell me Jesus is not surprised by any of this. He brought me here for a purpose, and he is revealing that day by day.

Although the move was hard, I can't help but smile when I say I live here. I've wanted to say that for so long, and it feels a little surreal now that it's actually happened. I'm amazed by this place every time I leave the house for work, I marvel at snow-covered Pikes Peak, and I'm in love with the way the afternoon light spills over Garden of the Gods and the ranges behind. I hope to never lose the sense of wonder I feel when I see those sights.

I remember a quote I wanted to tell you about from Shauna Niequist that says "There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming." Those are words I have been pondering for the past week, and I think they were the perfect ones for me to hear. This season is not wild and crazy, but it is also not calm and settled. This season for me is about learning my purpose here, where I need to invest my time, what my community looks like, and who I am becoming in Jesus as I live my life in a new home.



We take a look at the time and realize we better head home. Before we go, I want to thank you for walking through this transition with me. For loving me in the hard moments, for making me laugh, for sitting with me when I cry, and for reminding me of what is right and true and good.

I drop you off at your house, and as I walk back to my car, with the sun shining down on me, I smile to myself because toady I felt more at home here than I ever have.

30 comments:

Elizabeth Mayberry said...

Cue my water-works :) So proud of you for being brave. I know moving in hard (I moved to the south once. AKA #Southmoveswest and it was hard at first but I never regretted going for those four years!) You are doing great.

Emily S said...

I have been there, girl! It is so tough. But just keep praying and keep busy and you'll slowly fall in love with your new home!

allisonramsing said...

Oh Meg my heart aches for you. Living away from family is so tough, but yet there can be so many beautiful things that come from it. Praying that it continues to get easier for you! You're so brave!

Samantha@Elah Tree said...

Meg, this was the sweetest! All the feels! You are doing so great! The tears will slowly fade, but I will say, there may always be an ache in your heart for Tennessee. I continue to have an ache in my heart for Missouri, but it makes me cherish everything all the more.

Heather Serra said...

"There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming." - This is a beautiful quote. This reminds me of how I felt when I moved from NY to Cali. It was horrible at first. I cried like I was grieving a death...but it did eventually get easier. My heart goes out to you darling. You are courageous for making such a move and I'll be praying that it gets easier for you.

Olivia Youngs said...

This post was such a beautiful, heartfelt one. Thank you for sharing your heart! Like everyone else said, it will get easier, but I'm sure you're leaning on that as well! Hang in there and try to stay busy...It makes the loneliness easier to bear.

PS. Where did you move in CO? I lived there for 15 years and then moved away....and now I'm the one having major Colorado withdrawals. I hope you come to love it!

Bailey said...

Beautiful post! I hope you are enjoying your new home.

Amanda Brooks said...

I just stumbled upon your blog! It's beautifully written. Moving to a new place takes time. I did it last year, I promise things will improve :) Just give it time!

Rachel said...

This was beautiful i love the transparency, that life isn't always easy and perfect and we do struggle, and that is what good friends are there for! I'll keep you in my prayers as you continue through your strandotion.

Lindsey Smallwood said...

Meg - so fun to find your blog through the Peony Project. I am a recent transplant to Colorado too and I totally identify with a lot of these feelings, the excitement, the tears. Hoping that good friends and good coffee are a start to making a new life in a new place!

TheJessaOlsonBlog said...

It's tough moving to a new place. I know the pain. If you ever need anything you have tons of people here for you.

Stacia said...

This is a beautifully written post, Meg. I am sorry that the transition has been so hard. Sometimes that can hit us unexpectedly. I pray that as you continue to settle, you continue to find home, and that the Lord continues to reveal to you your purpose and His plan for you there.

Meg McIlvaine said...

Haha #thewestmovessouth ;)
I love you friend. Thanks for all of your encouragement and hugs! I need them.

Meg McIlvaine said...

Thanks Emily! Every day I find something encouraging about living here, and I'm so thankful for this experience.

Meg McIlvaine said...

Agreed! It is really hard, but I know Jesus has plans for me here, and I'm excited to see those unfold. Thank you so much for praying!

Meg McIlvaine said...

I'm glad you feel the same way about Missouri. Tennessee will always be my home not matter how much Colorado becomes my new home. :)

Meg McIlvaine said...

That is a big move!! And oh my goodness, yes. Grieving death is exactly how it feels. I can't explain how deeply it hurts sometimes...it's strange. Thanks for your kinds words, Heather and for praying! :)

Meg McIlvaine said...

Thanks Olivia! Having good and strong friendships here has definitely helped with the transition. :)

I moved to Colorado Springs and work at Glen Eyrie. :) Where did you live here?

Meg McIlvaine said...

Thanks Bailey!

Meg McIlvaine said...

Hi Amanda! So glad you stopped by. :) That is good to hear! I have to keep reminding myself to give it time.

Meg McIlvaine said...

Yes! It's really important to me to be transparent here in blog world and in social media. I don't want you guys to believe I have it all together because I DON'T. I'm a mess sometimes. ;) Thanks so much for praying, Rachel!!

Meg McIlvaine said...

Oh so fun, Lindsey!! Where in Colorado?? Praying for your transition as well!

Meg McIlvaine said...

Thanks so much, Jessa :)

Meg McIlvaine said...

Unexpectedly is right! :) Thank you so much, Stacia. I'm praying for y'all's move as well!

Olivia Youngs said...

I grew up in Winter Park and went to school in Fort Collins. I know lots of great people in Colorado Springs! I'm sure you've found lots of them working at Glen Eyrie :)

Meg McIlvaine said...

So fun! I learned how to ski in Winter Park and I have lots of friends who went to CSU!

Elizabeth Mayberry said...

oh man. it is hard to write what I think!

Amy said...

ooooo that quote = love. absolutely love.
i'm so proud of you friend.
your brave heart, leaning on the Lord for courage, continuing to push on in the midst of these circumstances. i can only imagine how hard it is, but you are doing such a beautiful job and showing such grace. keep leaning on the Lord girl, He's got you!

Meg McIlvaine said...

Amy! You are the best, and I can't wait for you to come visit us!
Thanks for all of your support pre and post move!

Stacia said...

Thank you so much, Meg! It's all becoming very real in good and bittersweet ways.